Awkward Siddhartha

For my video blog on "Kamana" check this link.

HYPERLINK

HEY mr.t

Siddhartha Becomes Siddhartha

During all of his journey, Siddartha has been trying to break away from his self. Now he has realised that enlightenment was always found within himself. All this time he has been looking for "Atman", or the self, and until now he hadn't thought of looking for the answer within him. This new knowledge comes to him naturally, like when you are looking for a pen that was in your hand the whole time.

After this sudden ray of truth he feels lonely. He then proceeds to break away from his past, and leave his teachings behind. He is newly born in his quest. This new information means a new beginning. Although I agree with his fresh start, I would have interpreted my loneliness as a sign from my spiritual self: an indication that the soul needs love and nourishment.

In this awakening, Siddhartha has a new aura of inspiration. He now gets a sense of direction that he had been lacking. I hope he does find truth and light within himself. I am very curious as to what he will conclude the self is. I just hope he finds satisfaction one day.

Siddhartha's First Conclusion

After years of a spiritual quest Siddhartha has finally said something useful. Apparently, Gotama is the first "enlightened" man Siddhartha has found. Govinda is instantly charmed by Gotama's calm, almost selfless, personality. The Buddha is perfectly calm and peaceful: "every finger of his hand spoke of peace, spoke of completeness, sought nothing, imitated nothing, reflected a continuous quiet, and unfading light, an invulnerable peace." Although Govinda is convinced Buddha's teachings will lead them to enlightment, Siddhartha gets an epiphany, which causes Siddhartha to separate from Govinda.

The combined teachings of the Brahmins, the Samanas and Buddha did not satisfy Siddhartha. This leads Siddhartha to conclude that teachings are completely useless. As he tells the Buddha, enlightenment cannot be taught, it has to be experienced.

This new view on enlightenment reminded me of the Dao. Like the Dao, it cannot be taught through teachings and books, and it cannot be expressed in words. As well, it is found through non-action. Te Dao is mastering your human necessities and becoming completely non-active. Enlightenment is being non-active and selfless until Nirvana arrives naturally. I am happy Siddhartha is one step closer to self fullfilment.

The Inner Self? (10-19)

The second chapter of Siddhartha is very confusing. The topic of "the inner self" is highly controversial. The book expresses that by losing one's self and ones necessities, one becomes part of a whole, and each of its parts. As soon as one becomes physically selfless, one can experience being anything (even inanimate objects). I have a different take on the relationship between one and the whole. I think that one has to be a self to be part of the whole. Each part (or self) plays an essential role in the whole. By finding one's role in the whole, one is fulfilled. Siddhartha successfully becomes selfless, and therefore becomes everything.

However, this is not big enough for Siddhartha. While reading this I wondered what could be bigger than the whole? Apparently what Siddhartha wants is to achieve Nirvana. Is Nirvana breaking away from the cycle of the whole?, or is it becoming the whole permanently, and not just temporarily? Apparently Nirvana is a knowledge that cannot be learned. Why would one want something that one knows one cannot have (like a 5 year old wanting a ferrari)?

Every person has an inner struggle to find something greater than life. A lot of people have found this in religion and God. Every century or so, a person appears who believes that he has that secret knowledge. Some of these people include Jesus, Mohammed, and of course, Buddha. Usually, these people have followers. What is very sad is that no one realizes that we are a tiny insignificant speck in the universe. In our condition of megalomaniacs, we think of our quests for knowledge and wisdom as great and meaningful. Pessimistically, I have concluded that for humans, there is nothing bigger than life.

The Cup Half Empty (1-9)

A lot of people can relate to Siddhartha (from the book Siddhartha). The first chapter of the book depicts him as a people pleaser, who exceeds all expectations. However, Siddhartha fails to find happiness for himself. His undying thirst is typical for a Confucianist like him. Although I would like to be as different from Siddhartha as possible, even the most taoist people have felt unsatisfied at some point in their lives.

Siddhartha meets everyone's expectation's but his own. In page two, the author describes how Siddhartha makes his father proud: "There was happiness in his father's heart because of his son who was intelligent and thirsty for knowledge; he saw him growing up to be a great learned man, a priest, a prince among Brahmins." Later Siddhartha realizes he doesn't want to be a priest, nor a Brahmin. He makes everybody happy around him. However, Siddhartha is not happy because he feels empty inside.

This eternal uneasiness is one of the main flaws of being a Confucianist. At first, he is striving to be the person he is expected to be. Obviously, that was not enough for him, because he was striving to fit society, and in the process he neglects his own happiness. He is too busy looking for knowledge to realize that knowledge is not what he needs to accomplish inner peace. If he stays like that, he will never be satisfied.

At one moment or another everyone has felt like their life has no purpose (at least I know I have). I look into my future and think: "I have three more years of school left. I'll go to college (another four years), and probably get a masters degree (2 years)." Nevertheless, I always wonder if I will be happy then, or if happiness will come later, with a family and kids. When will I feel satisfied? I think this is the problem Siddhartha is facing, he feels his life doesn't have meaning. I think happiness and self-fulfilment is achieved with a mixture of having a purpose in life, and being able to enjoy the small things.

I fear Siddhartha's way of achieving happiness is by self-sacrifice. I hope it is not so. I'm not into self-sacrifice.

Agape and Eros in "Love Poem for Ted Neeley in Jesus Christ Superstar"

I think this poem might be addressing both Agape and Eros. I did not find strong proof of any physical attraction between the author and Ted Neeley from Jesus Christ. Although the author did highlight many of Ted's physical traits most of them negative. However she seems to be attracted or aroused by these traits. In some parts it even seems that she thinks these bad traits add personality to the role, which she finds attractive. The Agape love is less subtle.

What the author feels is an undying love and loyalty to the show and mostly to the actor who plays JC. When the author says, "when you cast merchants and money chargers from the temple, I forgot your thinning hair and wrinkled brow, forgot how your story ended: your broken voice crying on the cross," he is saying that despite his old appearance and broken voice, he still enjoys the show passionately. He worships the show.